This is not part of the deal

As I sit in my 8th floor office in downtown Seattle, looking West and South out my office windows, I see my sixth straight day of overcast skies. Each of those days also had periods of rain.

When I moved to Seattle, I signed an agreement with the State of Washington that outlined the Terms and Conditions relative to the weather here. To paraphrase, here's what was in that contract:

Thank you for considering the Greater Seattle area for your home. Before finalizing your move, you should be aware of a few things.

Note that the City of Seattle is, in effect, owned and operated by the operators of Hell. Surprised? Well, how else could an election in which more votes were cast than registered voters been pulled off! As such, we see to that it's ok for the homeless to urinate in front of retail establishments, for criminals to receive "counseling" (he he) instead of punishment, that there are no reasonably priced tasty restaurants in the entire metropolitan area, and that ultra-liberals have a place to terrorize the working community. In addition, and in accordance with Southern California's deal with the devil, we move clouds and rain originally destined for Beverly Hills up to Seattle. As such you will not see the sun between Sept 1 and June 1, and it will rain every single day between then.

Now, even those of us in the Inferno enjoy a vacation now and then (and not just to the other levels), so we take off between June 1 and Sept 1 each year, leaving the Seattle area with sunny skies, mid-70s temperatures, and not a drop of rain.

Your signature below signifies your understanding of these weather conditions and that you forfeit your right to sue Azazel, Inc. because you are sun-deprived.

Again, I'm paraphrasing. My new REI rain jacket was supposed to be for the fall and winter, not July :(


Reverend0 said...

Nice post. I think you paraphrased the contract nicely.

steve said...

James -

That was not a contract, merely a waiver. You gave up your rights, but got no promise in return!

The devil is in the details, man!